Questions to ask before you get married; or before you go down the road very far with anyone

Oprah.com -- You may think that you and your fiancé have talked about everything...but have you discussed the issues that will make your marriage work? Or not? Author Susan Piver reveals some of the questions you and your partner should answer before you say "I do."

Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten? *What do WE do with the money that we each earn? Is our income 'ours' or 'mine?' Does our personally earned income go into a 'common pot' for our expenses, buying a home, cars, etc.? What level of expenditure do we discuss with our spouse? What level of expenditure do we feel that we Both need to agree to before making a commitment financially or spending the money? What level of debt and or what type of debt do we feel is workable, desirable, or undesirable?*

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices?

I added some questions to #3. They are preceded and followed by a *.

There are some additional questions which, imho, should be addressed first of all and most importantly.

Do we both keep the covenants or commitments, and or strive to adhere to the principles that we hold to be of eternal worth, beyond this moment, this year, this person?
Are we involved in a meaningful relationship with our Higher Power?

Do we share the beliefs, the desire, and or the knowledge that:
we are eternal sons and daughters of God;
that He is our Father;
that He loves us as His dear and valued children; and
that most of all, we want to return to Him?

Without this foundation of desire, belief, and knowledge, it seems that it would be difficult to build a truly solid foundation in an inter-personal relationship. It seems that in today's world, a relationship without a solid foundation will be challenged to withstand the torrential tide and tumult of an increasingly confused, selfish, and hedonistic society.

Peace,
calm, and
increasing love and excitement to be with the other person
are some of the benefits of a relationship that grows and matures through the years for those who found their relationship in a desire and actions that evidence that one is striving to be kind, truly kind to the other person and true to their Eternal Heritage.